Life doesn’t have to be so hard. I can recall so many instances where some event was coming up or something had to be done, and I felt paralyzed from the inside out. A subtle “stuckness,” that complicated the matter, far beyond what was necessary. We as humans are very good at overcomplicating life. In fact, our evolved brains are SO good at thinking that we can think ourselves into anything — but thinking ourselves out of jams gets tricky and can lead to burnout.
Burnout is like thinking ourselves into a corner with no foreseeable way out. So, we keep pushing into that corner, hoping it will eventually budge, but all the while feeling more and more exhausted. Yet, if you’re willing to take a step back, look around at your options, and apply a different tactic, a new potential is possible.
Mindfulness is the practice of cultivating awareness within and outside of you by placing your attention on one point of focus. This is not a distraction tool, since it hones your ability to be with what actually is, in the present moment. Simply being with yourself, quiet and often with eyes closed, can bring up strong feelings of anxiousness as you start to build a mindfulness practice. As you try to quiet down, you may have thoughts like, How can I possibly be here now, doing nothing, when there is so much to get done? Taking the time to slow down can feel futile because there’s such a strong counter-belief that you need to check off your todo list NOW. So, NOW is not the time to rest . . . but when is? And to what end — and at what cost? There is no real “end” to life tasks — the list goes on and on. But when you can slow down, focus, and be present, life becomes a “lived experience” as you move through your day.
When you learn to relax your body, your mind begins to relax. This is a golden nugget of truth about burnout prevention and recovery, and it’s vital for leading an enlivened life that feels REALLY good. Since we tend to live in a brain-centric world that’s focused on intellectual prowess and productivity, we often forget that we even have a body. One of my clients who works in technology described it as “the floating head syndrome.” But the act of reclaiming your body as your human powerhouse enables you to rebuild your depleted energy, regain your loss of focus, and learn about the many other ways that burnout uniquely shows up for you. When you’re burning out, the symptoms can no longer be ignored, and you must return to your body to restore your health.
We identify with what we’re thinking so closely that ”what we think” seems to be “who we are.” Our thoughts seem solid, tangible, and therefore absolutely true. Thoughts are powerful because we attach them to our belief systems. Yet, a belief is simply a thought that has been repeated enough times that it becomes the truth. Your willingness to think or believe differently releases the hold, and therefore the power. It’s your choice to change your mind — and your willingness to do so is the basis behind a growth mind-set and the ability to heal from burnout.
Expressing your full range of emotions isn’t socially acceptable. We learn early on that most emotions need to go underground, never to be seen again. This shutting down of our emotions begins at an early age, based on our family’s belief system and social values around emotions. The bottom line is that no one has ever taught us how to fully feel our emotions. Yet when we can, life becomes so much bigger, more meaningful, and empowering. Especially in the throes of burnout, your life can feel like an endless to-do list that’s devoid of emotion or meaning. But being detached from your emotions isn’t sustainable because emotions are meant to be acknowledged and felt — not locked away. The more you resist them, the more they persist. Burnout has a way of slowly revealing the emotions that you were never given permission to feel. The chronic stress of burnout comes full of hard emotions, including fear, anger, guilt, shame, numbness, and isolation.
Whether you realize it or not, there are underlying social values that support how you think, feel, and behave. Social values are a set of principles defined by traditions, institutions, and cultural beliefs that are often taken for granted as unquestioned societal norms. They serve a purpose and orientate us as individuals within a larger group. Social values are not necessarily a good or bad thing, but you need to decide whether they align with how you want to live. If you follow social values blindly, they can have negative consequences on your personal development and overall well-being.
Make yourself some tea and settle in, because this chapter is all about nurturing yourself. I realized that my own healing journey was about showing up for myself every day to the best of my ability — lovingly realizing that “my best self” varied, given the day or even the moment. So, allowing whatever version of your best self to exist in the current moment is enough. Knowing what your best is on any given day requires being fully honest with yourself, and this level of honesty and self-trust isn’t about being perfect. It begins when you can admit that you don’t know everything and are ready to open up to this learning, healing, and growing process. The more you trust yourself, the more your daily best provides healing space to become who you are.
Objective: Like a snapshot in time, this exercise is designed to build your awareness of feeling your body in positions that compromise your health.
Time + Frequency: Two minutes; one time daily as you build awareness of your held tension with opportunity to release it (ongoing as needed).
STEP 1: When a moment occurs that you’re gripping or holding something, take pause.
STEP 2: Notice your held muscle tension without self-judgment.
STEP 3: Breathe into the tensed area, and how you can release this extra effort.
STEP 4: Slowly breathe in and out of the area you just released for at least five breaths.
STEP 5: Sit quietly and simply notice how you feel.